~~ 朋友 ~~

真的很想认识很多朋友
真的很希望能和那些我想认识的人做朋友
认识朋友的第一步我有踏出啊，我也比较主动，只是觉得 i din gain back the positive energy from tat particular person. 就感觉对方对我好感不想认识我。。。。 haiz...好累

anyway, i work at One Utama celebrity fitness today, i saw a quite muscular hot and handsome guy. i m kinda into him XD
i pass by him for few times in the gym and he look at me (kinda happy tat time)
i was abit bored tat time too, so i played wit the instrument at there. when i tried to play it, he look at me and smile, it make so shy~!! hehe~

hoping to see him again on wed and fri at wangsa walk and sunway pyrimid~

~~ national day or racism day? ~~

i guess i don hav to say much cuz my title already say it all.
wat the government and media show is peace and unite but wat actually happen is opposite of it.
juz take the recent news sayin about a malay principal forbid the chinese student to eat in school area during the fastin month. this principal also said tat any dissatisfaction can take flight bac to china. sound insultin. hmmm

i guess i m kinda lucky tat i have 1 or 2 close malay and indian fren tat can really spill out anythin tats in our mind and heart without hurtin each other much....

as u can see, in the pass few decades, whenever its near the national day, all houses and car will put on the our national flag and even states flag to celebrate national day. but look at the houses n cars now a days. not much of them puttin the flag on it.

i guess is becuz they r somehow disappointed...... who, why n how? i guess i don hav to mention it rite?

~~ restart button ~~

i really wish life do hav a restart button. i guess not onli me wish tat to happen rite?
things juz din get better. i thought by doin tat can "inhibit" it to happen but it din. i juz hope tat it din get worst. there is a moment i felt like wanna end my life juz like this. but i don hav the guts to do so. i m too scare of being in deep pain. sounds coward huh? tats wat i thought.

m i too superstitious to think n blame this on the maid because she kill my goldfish by putting the whole filter machine in the tank causing my black goldfish stuck in the filter machine?

i really wish thing could end fast or hav a restart button. i don wanna be in this situation anymore. its suffering.

who shall i seek help from? friends? family? doctor? or GOD? huh......

pls do let me go....

~~ changes ~~

is it so wrong to change? does changes hurt? or does it bring good?
changes according to the environment and adapt to it, is it so wrong?
changes is to make a person stronger or is juz a way for a person to avoid and escape some matter?

i somehow juz get a complaint from one of my friend.. she said she cant stand me anymore and wats wrong wit me? she said i changes alot since we left high school. indeed tat i hav change. i change my style so as my attitude. i turn into a person tat very greedy, like money alot, like to spend and maybe more which i didn't notice.

i do admit lately i wanted to spend n buy alot stuff. maybe is becuz alot ppl look way better than me in all way... another friend of mine said i use to be guy who like to win but now i m more to a free-thinker.. this is one thing tat i don get it.. did i really change tat too? i din have such thought and attitude is becuz i knew i cant win or juz tat i m really tired of competing?

who doesn't wish to be a better person? change to be better and known!? who doesn't...? anything can happen in 3yrs time. alot things can be change... i do remember kimora (a model & designer) said tat everythin come and go. husband come and go, friends come and go but children don come and go.

friends come and go.. i really agree wit wat she said really. lookin at my friends come and go.. its a very painful thing for me. changes to adapt environment. you r not wit me for 3yrs. how could u say my changes is something bad? my changes is something worst?

becuz of my changes, one (or maybe more) of my friend had left me. she never talk wit me. no respond from her. i hope is juz tat i think too much...

~~ yay~shootin again ~~

juz had my second tv shootin this morning. at first it was rainning but luckily it stop around 10am i guess. this time is a outdoor shootin, much more tiring compare to the last time. the previous one we do it in indoor. this time the script is about giving direction.

the funny part is we went to a place (tungku monumen) where no bank, toilet or post office near by to act as if there is such places near by. XD



juz 2 freaking line took me few hrs to memorize it. cant imagine how those pro actor do it. but i still enjoy today shootin alot~ cuz we were doin it outdoor, there r alot tourist lookin at us.



anyway, today i got something extra than juz shootin. there is one guy in the team, i kinda forget his name (sooo sorry ><), he studied neuropsychology at columbia i guess (soo sorry again ><), the thing he talk about me really "wow" me off!!! by juz talk a few moment wit me, he can tell wat kind of person i m!! he say i m more to visual type of ppl. i don like book, don like a lot words, but if give me a script n memorize it, i m able to visualize the situation and memorize it. kinda true about wat he say, i do visualize those direction to memorize.



beside tat, the host of our tv show was there aso. he is an australian. thought me something aso (though the way he talk, the accent, my fren and i cant really understand). he tought me how to pronouns abalone. i use to pronouns it as abalon cuz tats wat ppl pronouns it here, but the actual way to pronouns it is abaloNE. get the different?



ok... so far everyhing gone ok~ i got new job on this coming fri to sunday. hopefully easy job~ hehe~



the onli thing tat i m worry is about my illness... my leg is kinda pain. i cant really fold my leg (is tat the right word?) or even squat cuz my muscle will be very pain if i do tat.

i guess tats all about it.. there is one thing i still wanna share.. but cant recall.... hmmm.... nvm then~~ juz wish me luck~~

~~ wats new? ~~

i guess nth much lately...

still lookin for job and aso waitin their call

i have no idea who willing to work for rm60 for 12hrs. thats insane right?

though there r some job tat require few hrs to get rm100 and above but most of it is either too far or hire girls onli..

hmmm.... shall i dress like one to get the job? hahaha

anyway, i juz did a dumb thing few days ago. i accidentally sent my assignment as my resume to appy job. wat a big joke.

ohya, beside tat, i juz bought a D&G prefume set. come will a 5 bottle but they r juz too cute.. don feel like wanna use it. in fact, feel like wanna use it as deco...

really wish to get some job to earn money, need money to spend spend spend!!!!

there r so many things tat i wanna buy and need to pay for. juz spend some money on my fren birthday and aso borrow money to my other fren. hope she really recover soon.

this few week is kinda happy with him. do go for movie and shoppin and dinner... hahaaha

so happy... this is the perfume tat i bought. though is not very new but still it smell nice..

~~ a very first time, again ~~

Finally my event come to an end. my first time workin in my life, first time being a promoter, first time promoting ps3, psp and sony walkman. By standing for 12 hrs is really tiring... though i do have lunch and dinner break yet its still tiring n awful.

Hopefully i got some gud payment for this 4days work. The first day of workin was at mid valley, but the agent say one utama is lack my promoter and I am force to be there. while lucky me, it seems to be easier to promote sony walkman at one utama than ps3 and psp at mid valley. Compare to mid valley, customer in one utama are way friendly and easy to serve. BUT collegue at there is not tat gud. Some of the collegue do let me feel that they are kinda arrogant.while few are quite nice.

personally i do not like to be pressure will i m doin something(i guess same to everyone). so FUCK YOU to one of the FUCKING agent. hoping i got more job after this, really wanna earn some money to spend....

wish me luck~ XD

~~understanding~~

is it really that hard to get a person to understand you? it seems like so hard to communicate with other n let them know wat i m thinkin. juz a simple "nevermind" this person can think til tat i m angry with him n said "this will be last msg from u, u don deserve my love bla bla bla".
he ask me am i angry, while i juz replied him wit a NVM, does tat really mean alot to you????? isit becuz u r this species thats y u guys often act like this???

i really hate who i m, wat i am n where i am. non of the things tat is me can make me feel glad n happy or even proud of. i dislike my fren, i hate my family, my life is ruin, the ppl i met r like shit n hell wat else i can be happy wit in this dum fuck life.

being insult, accuse, left alone, abandon, ignore....
if u r reading this and u hav an opinion tat is goin to against me, well pls shut the fuck up. cuz i don wanna listen. u did not go through the life i m havin, this is a place for me to release. not for u to judge. since i cant judge no one, so no one can judge me!

GOD kills

~~leaving dead~~

it been ages i never come to talk here. something big juz happened. i juz got myself into a big trouble which turn me to a living dead...

i m so unlucky by havin it. i hav no idea "wat" give this to me. everytime i told this to those i think who need to know, they changed so fast within one sec to another. m i consider strong? i cant even cry for wat happen. i seems so calm infront ppl. but deep inside i do feel like wanna end this life for gud. i don wan live in such torture. onli the closest n know me well willin to accept me but not the rest.

shall i end it for gud? or let things be. i juz feel sorry for those who should really know....

~~waitin~~

i hate to wait any longer. u keep on drag it til now. at first u say u will be here around feb. then u say something happen u will be here around march. but now its already march yet u say need to stay there til april due to ur work resign notification thingy! how long more u wan me to wait? u wanna drag til when? i m tired of waitin! i hate to wait! r u tryin to fool me or wat? fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....... i really don wan to wait......... i m really tired n lonesome...... i don wanna feel insecure n wait any longer..... i don wan...... haiz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

if u promise me will do something, pls do it n show it to me!!! u say u will ask for the organisation at tat time n tell me wat they say, i sms u few hrs after the time u say u will ask them. y u haven reply me??? i don wanna fail this assignment becuz of ur irresponsibility!!! there r other members in this team aso don pull everyone down if u wanna die. u r so dead if i din receive any form of respon from u tonite be4 12.

~~he show up........ again~~

i met him from the internet half year ago i think or maybe longer than tat. he is one of the ideal guy i mentioned be4. though he is not rich or very handsome n hot. but he got he bad boy looks tat i like. i met him twice. first was at the night market. the second time, which happen to kinda touch my heart. its evening tat time, everyone finish work n school n on their way back home. massive traffic jam. i ask him whether he could pick me up n send me home. tat place bac to my home r quite a long distance yet his answer was yes. he send me back. for me, i felt that is hard to get a guy like tat, who will willin to send u home from so far and its traffic jam where we juz met for once.

maybe i m to obsess wit him, i keep on call n sms him. i even question him if he din pick up my call or reply my sms. since then he never spoke to me until recently. i somehow deleted his number cuz i told my self not to remember him anymore though i still wan him tat time. juz few days ago, he sms me. i was kinda familiar wit tat number but i juz couldn't recall whose number was tat. he even told me his name but i still hav no idea. until today, i called him juz now, his voice r so familiar then i realise its him. i ask for more details to make sure he is who i m thinkin. i dono this is a joke or wat, i do miss him even now, i pray to god hoping tat my ideal guy will show up but i never know it will be him. i dono he is my ideal life or not but he is for now.

we send sms to each other a moment, tat time i did told myself not to send anymore sms after i know who he is. juz wait him to do the move. i told myself to hold on my need, urge, delay gratification but i juz cant do it. i ask him for meet up, he then ask whether i m horny or not, he was hoping to suck or hav sex wit me. its not wat i wan, i juz wanna meet him. i do still miss him. this really disappoint me. wat i need is a piece of advise. wat shall i do now? do nothin or give my best shot to get him? i really hope he will be my bf, ideal bf. but i m too scare to be hurt....

~~rude day~~

i m so freakin pissed off now. i wrote quite alot juz now. but this post up cuz the stupid line keep on disconnect. stupid digi ar!!!!!!!!!!!

this morning i call him for something. he answered wit his sleepy voice. after he hang u the call. alot thing came across my mind. in was wonderin i m so bad to him ever since break wit him is becuz i m tryin to avoid him, forget him, convince myself tat its his fault to dumb me or its juz that i m jealous n bad but non other reasons? i do really miss his voice, the way he touch me espcially at the furniture shop, everything he did. feel so lonesome n my tears almost slip by writing this. even though there r couple of guy try to woo me, but i juz feel everythin come too fast n so insecure. i really don wanna get hurt. i rather i m the bad guy to hurt someone.erm....

anyway, went to class today, suprisingly no one sit wit beside me. the entire was onli me, i dono its becuz the way i wore clothes or the "negative energy" sending out from me. even the late comer don wan sit wit me but not those who late more than 30min cuz the class was full except my place at tat time.

after the class i went to look for my lecturer(franklin) to ask some questions on my assignment but he is not there, damn it. then i go for another lecturer (justin) and he say he dono anything. thats funny huh, in the class, franklin said we can ask justin if we don understand but he knows NOTHING!! greatt. anyway, justin is way way way so hot n cute. he got dimples n nice firm ass. i was crazy about him wit my fren (girl). when i was in his office askin questio juz now, all of the sudden i feel like wanna jump toward him to kiss n hug him!!! fuck!! wat m i thinkin?? i even wanna tell him i like him n hope he will somehow like me too XD. keep on look at him in his office. wow~~ shows tat i m so crazy.

the assignment i mention its a group assignment. i feel so unfortunate to be the leader. the members is almost like useless. they don seems like care n give a damn about this assignment. my first plan was sit there, act stupid, be quiet so tat i don hav to do so much. i hav no idea i will be assign to such group. dying soon i think =.= now i juz wish they can move their butt n do their part onli =.=

when i reach kl central, i m lookin for the touch n' go department to ask something, when i ask direction for the touch n' go department location, tat lady gave me a lousy, tone and facial expression. as if i killed his husband or something else. she is shit!! juz a shit. something happen when i was in the touch n' go department. she giving me those shit face. i dono its becuz i din take the number n que(i did look around to see where is the machine or whether there is such system i onli realise it after i solve my problem) or the way i dress. =.=

lastly, i juz pray to god wish tat my deisire guy will show up n come to me, my assignment will complete be4 the due date will a gud mark n hope tat my wounds isn't a big problems n will heal up soon. tq~

~~ movie time~~

huhu~~~ juz watch alice in the wonderland. the movie was ok but juz the seats. i have no idea wat gets into their head, if there r no more gud seat then just don wan watch the movie. they bought the second row away from the screen. lucky my nect din break. =.=

the next coming up movie i wanna watch r "the last air bender" and "dragon"

basically tats about it. my parent went to australia for few days, so no one will bring me to kl central take bus to class. =.= damn it, have to wake up early to wait bus at home adi. haiz~~

~~ brain burst~~

wow~~~ after a week of exam, hehe actually juz 3 days exam.

the first was mass comm then biopsychology n motivation the leadership skill

all last minute study~~ but lucky i m give a fast learning skill, i think can get through the test easily. hehe~~

learn really quite alot of things today, cuz i almost swollow half of the leadership book today. stuffin all 230+ pages in to my head within 5 hrs
tons of info~~~ wow~~ suppose need to cover 7 chapter but i juz read til 6 onli. =.=

then now i hav to start wit my assignment, omg, its due date is on this friday. hopefully i can crap all the best n pass it up. but hope the marks wont be crap too~~ XD

hmm~~ follow by another 2 assignment need to pass up on 22nd. but i don wan to do~~~ i wan go shoppin~~~ watch movie~~~ how????? lazy ar~~~~who can help me~~??

yeah~~ tats about it~~ finish crappin here adi~~ my balls kinda itchy~~ nope it heals soon~~ XD

~~jealousy~~

i dono i should say this is a jealousy or wat?? cuz my english is not gud, if u know any better words pls tell me n let me rephrase.

ok, the story is like this, i hav a photoshoot wit a guy few months ago, during the photoshoot, i did tell him wat i wan n take this this particular type of picture m angel, i aso did told him those editin effect i want. he said "ok ok, i know i know, i can i can" fine then, i trust him. the time i get those pic bac, its really out of wat i wan. down graded. down down down.

fine, i try to not talk wit him, hav any other photoshoot wit him, but he keep on text, call, msn me. i feel bad to hurt ppl then i do give respon. (shall i block him n ask him go to hell? XD)

this afternoon i took some picture by myself n posted on facebook (this is the reason i wrote the "critics" part cuz alot ppl say not nice =.=) i think he saw those picture, he juz call me who took those photo for me. i really lazy to talk wit him, even he msg me in msn i also din reply. he is like askin for details who is takin those photo for me n i also do feel tat this question hidden with another question that is "why u did find me to take those photo for u?"

i felt so irritated. really wanna hang up the phone =.= wat do guys think?

gosh, i critique again =.=

~~critics~~

i believe everyone love to critique on something or even someone. its easy to critique but its not easy to accept it. thanks to bebe, i realise watever the books say its true, hopefully it will really works.

lately i try to control myself not to critique on anythin or anyone. cuz i really hate to listen things tat i don like, though some comment might help me correct my mistake but it totally drain all my motivation on doin something.

its hard to control cuz its fun critizing ppl. though i know its wrong. but the moment i realise its too late. =.=

i really wish to hav alot fren, close fren, who doesn't wish to hav alot fren? but do i consider better? cuz i do hav at least on fren understand how i feel. hmmm

did i mention wat happen to the cny gatherin? at first my fren all agree wanna visit each person house to celebrate cny, since no one make the move, i try to call everybody in the group even my fren to visit my house first then go around to others place. there is one of my fren(miss Y) cant go cuz goin to hong kong wit family, this i can understand, then i ask another fren(miss W), but she say since miss Y is not here then she suggest another day. i know tat there wont be an another, even there is i don think she will ask me to join.

then fine, i went to another girl (miss V) at first she said she fine wit it, she can, once i told her miss W is not goin, she started to change her mind saying tat "anyway i'm not free tat day aso" tat really pissed me off. since this fellow not goin becuz her, and then same happens to the other one, fine, fuck up n fuck off. don wan go then juz cancel everythin.

i hav no idea y its so sweet durin the secondary but once away from the school all off us seems so apart. did i not try to keep in touch or juz tat i m the one u guys think should be ignore n left a side?

haiz.. here goes all my critique again. maybe u who readin will think i m abit narrow minded, shouldn't care pr give a damn about such small things. but one thing u need to know, u r not goin through wat i m goin through, u r not facing wat i m facing. the way we were raise were different.

really not wish to hav all this, really wish tat my life would juz turn totally diff n gud once i wake up tomolo.

~~nice shot~~

always wanted to have some photo taken by the pro photographer. juz like the fine colour, angle n those undescrible feelings. here is one. though i dono he really a pro or not. but i do like some of his pic. especially the photo tat taken in the garden wit a lake. like tat alot.
here is the link : http://seraphbluephoto.blogspot.com/

anyway, did i mention the photograher is kinda man too?? keke

~~ u r fool~~

i'm surprise... i m so surprise that u r fooled by some guy AGAIN~!

i chat wit him last nite. was the second time. kinda enjoy chattin wit him. he said he is single. he is doctor, car, look, age he got everything. we do exchange number at the end.
who knows. i juz call him juz now n he say he dono me. then the guy on the phone say he is his bf. confuse huh? so do i.

how stupid can i be, i thought i could be his one. i think too much huh. how can i be tat stupid. i fall into such trap again n again yet i din learn. when will i be strong n wake up from all this non sense thought n dream?

tylus, 阿宝 n orange guy. i cant look bac anymore. pls leave my memory i beg u.....

~~cny~~

huhu~~~ lucky this chinese new year was that bad as i aspected.

cuz the first day of chinese new year was also my 20th birthday (sob start wit number "2" adi)

there were quite a few thing happen durin this cny, sad thing, funny thing, happy thing, scary thing, shock n relief thing.

lets start wit happy thing. though din celebrate much for my birthday but thx to my first n secon aunt n also my cousin sis connie cuz they make cupcake for me~~ here is the pic

now wit the shock thing, i was told tat my turtle run away from the scoop. i was like wat??!! but its kinda weird tat my aunt n grandma say they cant find it even after they search every corner in the house. cuz i juz found it my turtle within like 5 to 10 minutes. tats the relief things isit my turtle know i m bac home or i know my turtle well? creepy huh~~?

the sad thing was my grandpa juz indirectly kill my fishes. i told my aunt juz give my fishes eat little onli. my granda happily pour a tea spoon like tat to my fishes. its lucky tat my favourite adult n baby guppy fishes r still alive or else i will definately fight wit him. he claim tat my water was too hot for the fisdhes =.=

scary thing is my exam n assignment due date is near scary ar~~~

funny thing was during the journey when i bac from kedah wit my family. my sis say one thing tat make me still remember til now.
先生，你玉树临风，英俊潇洒，可惜你懒觉生cancer，喝了我这个牛懒墩猪害，包你gugu硬过螺丝刀。

i think tats all about it lo~~~ happy cny

~~great day~~

today suppose to hang out wit my secondary old mates but unfortunately her mom ask her to do something so she did make it at the end. at least i got another fren accompany me. kinda crazy today. we watch 2 movie in a row. 12.10pm - 1.55pm then the next movie is 2.00pm - 3.30pm.

first we watch legion. i quite like tat movie. sayin tat one day jesus lost his faith toward human n send all his angel to kill man kind. this is becuz jesus is fade up see-ing his children killin, fightin, against each other due to selfishness. but left onli one angel still believin in human still havin strong love among each other. the best part is when both angles r fightin against each other. i like their wings so so so much. its so cool. i juz don understand y such nice movie no one come n watch it. its quite empty in the hall

after the movie finish, i dono wat came into me, i feel like wanna watch another movie. so we bought tickets for spy next door. funny n touchin movie. basically alot ppl like jacky chan's show n movie. wat to do? he is globally famous~~~ the next movie tat i wanna watch will be alice in wonderland, johnny depp is in there~~ huhu~~ the lightning thief, i don really remember the full tilttle but its about god, immortal, human n demond thingy. my type of movie, magical n fantasy~~ last but not least~~~ wolfman~~~~ ahwu~~~~~ must watch~~

great days ppl~ if someone readin. hope my family r all cure from any disease n virus be4 CNY. happy valentine too~~

~~sick~~

omg omg omg~~~ i m freakin scare n worry. my aunt told my dad that my cousin got H1N1!!!!!!
lately i m feelin not well too. not juz onli me. my parent n my sis too. coughin, sore throat, i worry my cousin has pass those disease to us. come on, CNY is near n i really don wan anythin bad happen to me n family. especially not on my birthday!!!!!!!!
haiz~~~ gosh, i really wish my flu, sore throat n cough r gone. i don wan hav a ill CNY.

hmm~~ met a guy today, he look quite not bad n the best part is his whole family knows he is gay~~ huhu~~~ goin out wit him this coming thurs aso wit couple of my malay fren. really wish i don hav any H1N1 or disease, didn't wish to pass those virus to them.

lately i aso feel like wanna teach in a tuition centre but i scare i don hav to experience to teach. juz wanna earn some money to buy clothes~ huhu~~ but i kinda lazy to do so. wat if i hav no time do my assignment or wat? i worry i din manage my time well onli. most probably will teach maths if i'm really goin to teach in tuition centre.

dono wat else i can add here cuz not feelin well n abit sad n worry. lord jesus, pls pls pls blesh my family wit health, cure us from all these illness, pain n tragedy. thank you.

~~pokai~~

omg omg omg omg~~~~~
wat i could say for now is onli omg but nothing.
my wallet is goin dry~~ actually i have no more money juz i ask my mom for more =.=
i dono y i m addicted to shoppin lately. omg~~ i dono y i like to spend money so much.
i really wish someone allow me to spend their money~~ haha
i left rm15 to survive til next week. wuwuwu~~~~

anyway~ i juz bought a pair of pig skin lining shoes, one long n short sleeves clothes from ruffle id around rm300+ here. lucky i don hav to pay cuz my grandma n aunt pay it for my chinese new year clothes~~ huhu~~

besides, isit wrong to addicted wit chocolate too?? i juz cant stop my slef from buyin n eatin it~~ its so delicious, i like choco mint, choco wit black forest jelly in it, ferreroche?? i dono how to spell it. gosh~~ so many chocolate i like~ another thing is hagenduz (i got it rite?) i like the rum n raisin. wu~~~~ really blown me away wit the tast~~~

so sad~~~ my birthday is coming, i don think anyone will know or even care to know. i was so hopin my dream guy will get me a bouquet of roses (blue will be perfect), chocolate either cadbury, ferreroche??? or any nice choco, rum n raisin hagenduz, bring me to a fansy dinner then head to the beach countin the stars in his arm n slowly fall asleep~~~
but~~~~ i hav to wake up cuz its juz a dream~~

ohya, about my fish, my 2 male guppy keep on chasin a female guppy shall i buy another female for them?

i really wan2 start study but i m so lazy to study readin u know~~ its like torturing me~
i was hopin to get CGPA 3.25 tat is second upper class honour. but its so har to reach. cuz i hav to get 75 n above for every subject. haiz~~~ tough touhg~

~~clubbing~~

phew~~ juz bac, finish bath~~~
hmmm~~ how should i start this. its pretty sad n happy nite for me.

at first i attended a gathering organize by one of my gay fren (^.^) i manage to know some ppl there but i onli got 2 ppl's number, kinda sad huh? we talk n bullshit at the gathering, all sort of non sense came out of my mouth. the thing tat surprise me is i'm kinda talkative in this gatherin, usually i don talk so much when surrounded by bunch of strangers. even there is a guy praise me tat i m sociable... i m feelin weird tat this "sociable" word somehow connected to me~ who knows, maybe i m but juz tat i haven let my self out~~

i was so hopin tat i can go clubbin wit those guy at the gathering but non of them wanna go. in my heart it was like " wat the hell?!?! if din go clubbin wats the point for me to come out?" incase u guys dono, my mom don let me go clubbin, overnite at fren place or bac home late. somehow i manage to convince her to let me bac home be4 2am. this is like a golden opportunity for me!! tats y if i din go clubbin to nite, it would be somehow an incomplete nite for me. u know wat i mean?

lucky i called my ex to bring me there. i had given my very first time to oblinque. we were there around 11.20pm. not much ppl though. wanted to dance like crazy but i CANT dance!!! i was like a lost soul in there, dono how to move like those who really pro~~ then i left around 1am since i promise my mom to back early. this is the sad part, have to go bac early, i really wanted to continue hav fun in the club cuz i haven "fish" any guy yet. anyway, it doesnt seems to hav alot ppl in the club. hahaha~~~

the first thing i did once i reached home was checked on my fish. juz as i suspected, 2 more fishes die. sad!!!!!!!! i gave the body to my turtle to "tidy" it up. i aso realise i lost my ear ring in the club i think. i got a tiny lump on my neck, wats tat huh? abit pain when press it. i kinda scare about any disease. god, pls bless me wit health. thanks.

anyway, i think tat all about it. will try to update soon. if there r any special things happen on me lo~~

~~kan cheong~~

omg omg omg omg~~~~~
its so "kan cheong" n excited during the evening. every semester i hav to sign for tutorial class online n i hav to fast in order to get the class i wan or else it the slot will juz dissapear in no time~
lucky me i manage to get the class i wan, thz to my god bro who back up me incase something gone wrong wit my line or laptop. surprisingly i still manage to help my fren to sign up the same class after i did mine. i thought there r alot ppl fightin for the class i wan~~ hmmm... thought wrong~~

need to do this for one more class, but dono when the slot will open~~ hope i get wat i wan~

another thing is i got a pimple around my nose hole, shouldn't dig my nose so often ><
hahaha~~ another 2 on my cheek~~ hope it will gone soon~~

~~completely hopeless~~

lately i m kinda into fishes, i bought alot fishes especially guppy fish. i dono why they die so easily but the other type of fish i bought r still alive. 2 of the fish gave birth to alot babies. another mummy fish die wit her stomach full of babies, this is sad. hopefully no fish will die anymore.

anyway, those death fish i use it to feed my 2 cute turtle~~ huhu~~
maybe cuz i fed them wit fish, they seems healthier compare to juz feedin them wit the solid food i bought from the shop (if u get wat i mean).

juz started my class again for second week. my second sem in first year for my pscyhology now. i was so hopin i got holiday on thurs n fri or maybe 2 day off. unfortunately i onli got a day off on thurs, suppose i got a day off on tues too but hav to the the elective this week or else next sem hav more subject to complete. tats a no way for me~

juz havin a 2 hrs class for tues n wed, so tiring. feel like don even wanna go. plus havin a mental disorder lecture, its makin my college life harder. i remember all the senior said she hav OCD aka obsessive-compulsive disoreder means worry something not done well n keep on check back, something like tat. she gave quizes every week, assignments in class n hav to submit at the end of the class(wit time limits too). she don use projector, not even microphone. how can we really learn like this?? the class is so huge, wat ever she write on the board not everyone in the hall can see it.

i know i cant rush love or even friendship but seems then i hav none for these to thing. yes, i do hav fren in college but not much n not all r sincere. i do really mind wat ppl thinks about me, i do concern alot. tats y my secondary fren used to sy i m "perasan" haha~~

ever since i m single, i do try to find another one but i dono y i cant get the one yet. izit becuz i ask for too much? or i m the kind tat no one wants? lately i been somehow rejected by few guy in a row. there gud lookin gud guy find me but they seems juz wanna hav sex, even the old n ugly one. there is one guy he looks real nice to me, mature but i feel tat he is kinda chauvinism. whenever i ask more about him, he will start to raise up his tone, i ask about his job n his family be4 at the end he scolded me n hang up the phone. til now he haven contact me. i try to call him for few days after tat happen but he din answer my call. there r ppl turn to "silence mode" after meetin wit them i guess i don hav to say much about this, most ppl face such problems rite. its really hard to handle it. the next one say he try hard to like me but he cant. sounds so funny huh? haiz... really cant rush or force love....

i pray so hard for the one who really care me n love me at the sametime i care n love him so much will show up soon. i dono whether my wish is heard or not. maybe is heard but juz tat the wish was not granted.

anyway, my birthday coming soon. i bet beside my family not much or barely one will remember it. most probably will juz celebrate wit family again. it will be my 21st birthday next year. i really wish not to be the same again. wish for something new n different or maybe someone special. sigh..... gud luck n all. god bless you.