mixture of feeling....

hmmm.... mixture of feeling. clearly shows that i felt happy and sad and bla bla bla at the sametime. actually its juz feeling of the day. (sounded abit weird. hmmm)

lets talk about the happy one. today me and my group members were having a trial run (some sort of practical mock test plus interview) wit one typical weird lecturer (becuz she got OCD, shhh....).
i was so nervous, worry i couldnt answer the question she asked us.
lucky me n my close friend manage to answer most questions correctly.
n i got the highest mark among all... woohooo!!!!
its somehow like "in ur face" to my other group members who previously look down at us.
yet they said watever question i get was very easy.
i was like wat??!!!
the first question u guys already got it wrong.. n it was the easiest one... @@
i was so happy, keep on jumpin up n down and share my feeling wit my close fren.
our effort of lookin for the answer n goin through all the journal pay off today. haha....
i was so happy the other couldnt asnwer.
i know it sounds bad but from the beginning they never see our existance.
watever my close fren and i said were not heard by them.
our thought n suggestion were never been accepted by them.
din wanna ask us involve in doing the planning process at the end screwing up almost everythin.
i know i should had volunteer to participant but they din bother our thought n all
so i juz let them "die"
so not goin to be same group wit them next time.
there is another trial run tomolo with the same lecturer
goin to find journal n go through everythin after writing this
hopefully i can manage to get all the question rite for tomolo

here begin the sad thing.
was having diarrhea this few days. kinda worry. hopely it will heal n turn good. haiz.
he suppose to fetch me today. fetch me back home
i dono i should meet up wit him or not. but our relation now is like such a blur.
i juz somehow knew its goin to break soon.
i really wanted to meet up wit him
but my head juz telling me not to do so n give him sometime n not to bother him.
i sent a msg to him n lied that i had fren fetch me home so he don hav to pick me up
he replied "why"
then i told him becuz i don wana cuz any problem to him
he replied and asked not to be like this..
i din reply him after tat. i had a feelin of cryin when i decided not to meet up wit him n when replying his msg
when i think again, if he really cares, he would hav call or sms me after knowing tat i din reply his msg for so long.
i guess a break up is a yes already. its juz the matter of time
i really need someone to support me
i use to be dependent on him
i really dono whether i could continue walkin on this path alone.
but time can stop of no one rite? haiz....
juz have to be stong and move on then...